


Tunnel vision

by kihobebe



Series: Carve your name on my skin [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Friends With Benefits, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-17 05:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16089470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihobebe/pseuds/kihobebe
Summary: Kihyun was the sun and Hyungwon was just a planet spinning around him, but too little, not strong enough to pull him closer. Hyungwon was the one that gravitated towards Kihyun, but Kihyun just stayed there, unbothered and beautiful, unreachable.





	Tunnel vision

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my baby B, I'm so sorry!!!  
> The song that inspired this whole thing is [The last of the real ones](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YAAyUFL1GQ) by fob. The one they're listening to in the fic is [You are the reason](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShZ978fBl6Y) by Calum Scott. Listen to both of them, lyrics are important!!  
> This is part of a little series, it's kind of a prequel to Puzzle pieces but you can read it after or on its own! Hope you'll enjoy it :)  
> (unbetaed af please pardon any mistakes)

I was just an only child of the universe

And then I found you

[Fall out boy - The last of the real ones]

  


Being called an unbothered bitch was something Hyungwon was very familiar with. He didn’t mind, it was kind of true. His top priorities had always been straight, even if he wasn’t so: sleeping, eating, having fun. Caring for humanity wasn’t really one of them, even if he couldn’t deny there were some people he cared for. His parents, for one. His siblings. He had a couple of friends, too, but he was his own first priority, and that made him an egoistic piece of shit, in the coloured words of one of his exes.  

He had learnt that caring for people often left him with massive holes in his chest, bottomless chasms that lovers left in their wake when they inevitably left him for someone else. They weren’t cruel, at least not all of them. It wasn’t really their fault if Hyungwon was destined to be alone for the rest his life. Jokes on him actually, for being born without a soulmate in the whole universe, not one destined to love him forever, not a single soul out there even remotely interested in being his one and only. Hyungwon often said he didn’t care about that bullshit, but how can one not care when everyone else had someone to love them and he was one of the fews that didn’t even deserve to have a platonic soulmate? Someone that could at least support him? The absence of words scribbled on his skin marked him more than ink could ever do.

All of his relationships had been tainted by the knowledge that he was gonna be left alone, one day or another. He was just some cheap thrills for people that were trying to escape their destiny, but that in the end were all tied to the same path. Hyungwon wasn’t like them, but he wouldn’t say he was better. He was bitter. Angry at the cosmic forces that lead him to be alone, forever. It could have been funny, but it really wasn’t. The truth was, Hyungwon wasn't an unbothered bitch. He often cared too much, even if he didn’t show it. He cared and he was hurt, but who cared if he was hurt? At least his cat, another selfish bitch just like him, always waited for him at home.

When he first met Kihyun he almost didn’t pay attention to the tiny man behind the camera. Hyungwon definitely noticed how a pair of sharp eyes followed his every movement even when he wasn’t on set anymore, but he dismissed the accident. The new photographer was just that: new to the job, he wasn’t used to the models’ beauty and would soon stop staring at him. Or so he thought, but Kihyun kept looking at him with such a spark in his eyes that made Hyungwon always feel hot and bothered, and he couldn’t help but staring back at him.

Kihyun was short, shorter than Hyungwon at least, his jaw and cheekbones were so defined they could cut glass, and his hands were so tiny Hyungwon wondered how did he work with the bulky camera so efficiently. He wasn’t really Hyungwon’s type, but the model found himself magnetized towards the slightly older man, his eyes incapable of detaching from Kihyun’s skin. Instead of directing sultry looks at the camera, he directed them at Kihyun, pouting and winking and wiggling his eyebrows, but Kihyun didn’t seem to get the message. He was the epitome of professionalism, and Hyungwon would have doubted his own sixth sense if it wasn’t for the fact that the photographer’s eyes were always focused on him. Maybe their boss had scared him into avoiding any type of relationship with the models, since it wouldn’t have been the first time one of the tall, handsome men seduced someone and then got them fired. Hyungwon might have been a tiny part of the problem. But he was also a stubborn little bitch, and that’s why he didn’t take Kihyun’s indifference as a deterrent.

Kihyun didn’t expect Hyungwon to barge into his office late at night, closing the door behind his back and letting Kihyun fuck him on his desk. Kihyun didn’t expect Hyungwon to be so explicit and sure of himself, but that he was. He was bratty, and he was bossy, but Kihyun didn’t seem to mind, his eyes alight with mirth every single time Hyungwon made up an excuse to visit him after photoshoots, leaving his pants somewhere behind him after locking them up inside. And Hyungwon didn’t expect Kihyun to be caring, and sweet, and everything Hyungwon would have never asked him to be. Kihyun made sure Hyungwon was comfortable, he helped him destress whenever Hyungwon had an important job by giving him mind-blowing blowjobs and never asking for anything back.

Hyungwon was scared shitless of catching feelings, but between being scared and trying to avoid the thing, he did just that. He fell so hard he almost broke his nose by hitting the ground. Kihyun had not one but two soulmates out there, waiting for him, and one of them was his best friend that didn’t know he liked men. It was a fucked up situation, even more so by adding Hyungwon to the equation, but Kihyun didn’t seem bothered by that. He spent a lot of time with Hyungwon, cooking for him, fucking him, cuddling him, sleeping next to him. The holes in Hyungwon’s chest became smaller and smaller, until one day he woke up feeling whole again, Kihyun nestled next to him in bed, his tiny fists holding onto Hyungwon’s shirt like his life depended on it. Maybe Hyungwon whispered an I love you in the dark, or maybe he didn’t.

Hyungwon knew that he would be broken up with, sooner or later, but it didn’t matter to him. In those blissful moments that he spent with Kihyun, he was all that Hyungwon could focus on. He felt like a collapsing star, his feelings filling him until he brimmed with them, his tunnel vision for Kihyun so powerful he almost forgot his own self sometimes. But Kihyun was not egoistic, nor he was stupid. He saw everything and gave him anything that he could return, but he never lied to Hyungwon, never said any forevers that he couldn’t go through with. He kept things sweet and simple, often reminding Hyungwon that he did love him, indeed. It was just a different kind of love, but it was there, and that was enough. Hyungwon swore that it was enough. It was more than enough, any kind of love he could get was perfect. Kihyun couldn’t be in love with him, but that didn’t matter. Hyungwon could be in love for them both.  

Kihyun was the type to show more than to speak his thoughts or feelings. Whenever Hyungwon found him cooking, his apron neatly tied around his tiny waist, he couldn’t help but envelope him in a back hug and rest his cheek on the top of his head. That night Hyungwon had just got home from a trip abroad, a photoshoot in Japan that had drained all of his energy. He had wanted to faceplant on his bed and maybe cuddle with his cat, but he had found Kihyun standing in his kitchen like he owned the place, the smell of something extremely yummy simmering in the pot he was stirring with a wooden spoon filling the air. Hyungwon didn’t even know he owned wooden spoons.

“I thought you would have been too tired to eat anything, and that’s not good for you,” Kihyun said as a greeting, and Hyungwon noticed how he could hear a smile in his voice even if he still hadn’t turn around. He took big steps to squish him between his arms, almost collapsing against Kihyun’s back.

“Thank you, I’m very hungry now that you mention it.”  
  
“I figured,” Kihyun jabbed, tipping his head backwards to rest his head against Hyungwon’s shoulder and look at him from below.  
  
“You look like shit.”

“Well, thank you, aren’t you a sweet, little thing?”

“I’m not little.”

“Debatable.”

Kihyun left a peck on Hyungwon’s jaw and went back to cooking, letting Hyungwon koala-hug him from behind.

“How was the trip?”  
  
“Tiring,” Hyungwon spoke through Kihyun’s hair, letting his eyes close to enjoy the warmness of Kihyun’s body against his, his ears picking up the mellow melody playing in the background. He had not noticed it at first, its tune so slow and peaceful his brain completely blocked it out, the piano and violins playing quietly in the room, probably from Kihyun’s phone resting somewhere behind them. Hyungwon’s body started moving on his own, swaying sideways with Kihyun still held tight in his embrace, his head still resting on top of Kihyun’s.

“I missed you,” he whispered, hoping that Kihyun didn’t hear him, hoping that his words would get lost somewhere below the sweet vocals they were listening to. But Kihyun was not deaf, and he whispered back the same words, his body still facing the kitchen and their dinner that was slowly cooking on the stove. He turned around just to throw his arms around Hyungwon’s middle and hide his face in the crook of his neck, leaving a peck there and keeping their awkward slow dancing on the same spot, just a back and forth movement that couldn’t be really called dancing. They kept moving to the rhythm of the song, the lyrics tying a knot in Hyungwon’s stomach, the beating of Kihyun’s heart against his chest calming him down at the same time, the feeling of longing so strong he almost wanted to pour his heart out right there. There was no need, because Kihyun already knew everything there was to know, and maybe that song was just another I love you whispered in the dark, even if it wasn’t the kind that Hyungwon yearned for. There were words that needed to be said, sometimes, and sometimes there were none.

They twirled on the spot, Kihyun trampling on Hyungwon’s feet a little and eliciting a small giggle from the taller. The song was about to end, the climax bringing them to waltz around with a little more energy, but still tight in a hug Hyungwon didn’t want to ever end. That was the irony though, all things have an end, and soon the song faded and both of them were laughing while exchanging soft pecks, Kihyun’s back pressed against the kitchen’s counter.

“Dinner is going to burn,” Kihyun pointed out, biting softly at Hyungwon’s jaw and pressing his cold nose against his throat. Hyungwon hissed, but let him do it. Sometimes Kihyun told Hyungwon that he resembled a cat, but he thought that Kihyun was the more cat-like of the duo, always searching for warm spots to press against.  

“Let it burn,” he stated, but didn’t really mean it. He was very hungry, so he let go of Kihyun and let him get back to their food. Kihyun smiled, his beautiful dimples that Hyungwon wanted to kiss for the rest of his life showing up just below his curled up eyes.

“I knew hunger would win.”

Sitting on Hyungwon’s sofa, their legs tangled together while they watched something light and funny on the TV and ate their dinner, Hyungwon felt that pull in his chest again. The soft tug he experienced whenever he woke up before Kihyun (very rare occasions) and looked at him sleeping, peaceful and unbothered. He wished he could give Kihyun more of those moments, but it wasn’t his place. Kihyun had people he needed to find, people that would love him forever and would cherish him like he was the best thing in the world. And believe Hyungwon, he really was. He was everything Hyungwon could ever ask for, but he would never be his. Kihyun was the sun and Hyungwon was just a planet spinning around him, but too little, not strong enough to pull him closer. Hyungwon was the one that gravitated towards Kihyun, but Kihyun just stayed there, unbothered and beautiful, unreachable.

“Ki,” he called out, looking at the tiny man stuffing his cheeks with food and smiling at the TV. Kihyun didn’t turn around, he just hummed to acknowledge Hyungwon’s call.  
“Ki, I love you,” he said, words unsure and regretted as soon as they left his mouth. Kihyun didn’t dramatically whip his head in Hyungwon’s direction like people would do in movies when confessions came out of the protagonists’ mouths. He just nodded, turning around slowly and boring his eyes into Hyungwon’s skin, making him shiver with the intensity of his stare.

“Won…” he started, but Hyungwon stopped him before he could go on: “I know you can’t say it back, but just for tonight. Would you? Would you lie for me?”

Hyungwon saw many emotions flitting through Kihyun’s eyes, but he didn’t know what to do of them.

“Just for tonight,” he repeated, “Tell me I’m the only one? Can you?”

Kihyun didn’t like lies, Hyungwon knew that. But Kihyun didn’t like letting people down, and he hated hurting Hyungwon more than anything else in the world.

“Wouldn’t that be a lie?”

“Can you?” Hyungwon reiterated, his eyes pleading Kihyun to let this one slip, to please indulge him, just once. Kihyun sighed, taking their plates and stacking them on the coffee table, before dragging Hyungwon to lay down on top of him. He made sure Hyungwon was comfortable, his head on Kihyun’s chest, before talking again.

“You’re the only one, Won,” he started, combing his fingers slowly through Hyungwon’s hair and whispering the words near his ear.

“You’re the only one that accepts me as I am, you’re the only one that never demands things from me.” Hyungwon took a shuddering breath, his eyes closing before he could let a tear spill down on Kihyun’s sweater.

“You’re the only one that listens to me when I need to vent about my problems, the only one that knows how I feel about Minhyuk,” Kihyun laughed bitterly, and Hyungwon couldn’t speak up, couldn’t say that some of the things he was saying were unfair to Kihyun’s soulmate. Hyungwon knew that Minhyuk would have listened if Kihyun had spoken, but he let it slide, and kept his eyelids squeezed together.

“You’re the only one that deserves to be loved fully, and I’m so sorry I can’t do that as you deserve,” Kihyun pecked Hyungwon’s head, murmuring the last few words against his skin.

“I hope you’ll find someone that can do it. For now, I’m here to remind you that you’ll never be alone as long as I’m alive. No matter what.”

Sad movies made Hyungwon cry, so it was no surprise that he started weeping against Kihyun’s chest, his head buried there while he fisted the material of his sweater. Kihyun cooed at him, patting his hair and whispering sweet nothings to make him feel better. Love confessions were overrated, Hyungwon knew that. Love confessions were not as good as they made it to be in movies and dramas, but Hyungwon had never received one before, and he was sure that would be the best one he would ever get in his whole life. He hugged Kihyun tightly, squishing him until the smaller man protested weakly, saying Hyungwon was gonna break his bones. Hyungwon wouldn’t be capable of doing that even if he wanted to.

“I love you,” he muttered again, and Kihyun said it back, again, and again, and again, until the words lost their meanings and all that was left were soft moans and roaming hands, salty kisses in the dark of Hyungwon’s bedroom room. Hyungwon wasn’t so lonely anymore, and maybe Kihyun was too good to be true, or maybe that was just some kind of love Hyungwon could never walk away from.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, you can come scream at me on [tumblr](http://kihobebe.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/kihoxbebe/) or [curios cat](https://curiouscat.me/kihoxbebe) :3


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